Dread it!

You know how you dread something, and you dread it, you dread it, and you dread it...You know it's something that you just absolutlely have to do and yet the only thing you truly want to do is run away from it?

Yeah, that pretty much summarizes how I feel at the moment. I will elaborate more on my Chinese blog.

My emotions have been in a turmoil and I really haven't been able to either calm myself down or sort myself out. I've pretty much just been running around day and night with very little time left for myself. I haven't been able to do much thinking, reading, writing or self-introspection. This is not what I am used to and I don't think I can last very long in this mode. I need to somehow set aside some time for myself just to reflect on the past few months (or years!) and decide where to go from here. Getting here has been a long journey, but now that I am here, it's perhaps time to start the planning again.

My mom was originally scheduled to attend a wedding this weekend. When she asked whether I'd like to join her a couple of months ago, well, given the mess I was in, you can easily guess my answer - no. But now that my schedule has sorta freed up, I gave it a second thought and decided I would like to go. Although I don't know the couple personally, it will be fun to see them walk down the aisle and finally tie the knot. I just need to witness some happiness, whether it's mine or that of others...Well, we will see how that goes.

I've been reading the book "Notes Left Behind," and it's getting harder and harder to get through. Not because it's poorly written, of course, but because it's just hard to read through a parent's account of his first-hand experience of losing a 6-year-old beautiful child to tumor...Will update more on this when I am done reading.

Well, my inbox has been flooded in the last 10 minutes it took me to type this message. I swear I get at least 20 emails a minute. Ergh...oh well, this is my job and my life. So Ciao for now.