Dead corners

My boss has pneumonia. His doctor asked him to stay home and in bed until Tuesday next week. Yet as soon as he got out of the hospital, he’s on the phone calling into meetings and typing away at his computer. He’s very sick and yet he insists on coming to work tomorrow. Why? Because he cares so much about perception and is “terrified of losing his job.”

This is exactly what is so sad about this industry and the people who work in it. Most of the guys I work with are the sole bread-earners in their households. They have big houses and fancy cars. They live a good life but they are keenly aware of the possibility of losing the job and then losing it all one day. This puts them on the verge of a nervous breakdown every minute, and they end up driving themselves into corners and eventually, horrible diseases.

Oh and I’ve felt this since the very beginning but he confirmed my thoughts today. When asked why he is still working his ass off when he’s awfully sick, he said, “Because I don’t want to be replaced.” No wonder you don’t teach me anything. Ah, the fun of working for someone who lives in the fear of losing his job to you every minute. Don't worry, really, I am more for finding a rich hubby then clinging onto this job.

To those who didn't pass...

The NYSBLE posted the public list and I realized one of my friends did not pass, and two others either didn’t pass or didn’t even bother to take it again. They must be feeling awful at this moment. It’s one thing you get informed you didn’t pass, it’s completely another when the whole world finds out about it. I really want to give these friends a hug. I know all they want to do at this moment is dig a hole in the earth and disappear until the heat dissipates and the glaring eyes stop glaring. I just hope they know that while this may feel embarrassing, it really is not. Or at least, shouldn’t be. Yes, you stumbled this time and fell on your face. So what? It’s just an exam and for you, things just didn’t work out this time. You can shed buckets of tears and let it out on people around you. You can kick and scream and blame it on the stars or your family. It’s frustrating; it’s maddening; it’s freaking awful. Yet in the end, it’s not the end of world. Eventually, you will have cried enough, screamed enough and gotten tired of blaming it on others. Eventually, you will pick yourself up and try to take a good look at yourself in the mirror. Eventually, you will realize the nosy people have moved on to dig their nose in something else and for you, while the wound is still visible, it has begun to heal. At that time, you will have gotten back enough of your courage, enough of your determination that although your steps are still a little shaky, you will feel the urge to crawl out the blackhole you once dug and take a look outside. When that time comes, you will know you’ve survived the ordeal and it’s time to get back into action again.

Also, remember that plenty of successful people didn’t pass it the first time around. Hilary Clinton for one. Rumor has it Michelle Obama didn’t either. Perhaps one day you will become successful and famous too. When that day comes, you will most likely look back and thank this experience for making you a stronger and more humble person.  

I passed!!!

To those who care: YES, I PASSED!!!

I kinda felt the results would be released this week, but I honestly didn’t expect it so early. I thought it would be more like Thursday or Friday. I’ve gotten into a habit of checking my emails on my phone every morning I get into the office. This morning when I turned on the phone, OMG, THERE WAS THE EMAIL!!! My head just went blank for a second. I had absolutely no thoughts going through my mind until I opened up the email and saw “Congratulations!!!” I swear my body just fell completely limp at that very moment.

Just so I could make sure it’s real, I forwarded the email to my company email address just to take a clearer look. There, it became a reality. The certification of passing is attached and it has my name on it. I swear I would’ve broken down in tears if I weren’t at my office. This was the light at the end of the tunnel I had been waiting for for so long. Fives years of excruciating journey and now, I can finally rest at ease.

I went back to look at the email (I swear I’ve scrutinized every part of the email, including the margins) and I realized the email was sent at 12:20am this morning. Then I went online and checked the forums. Obviously, a lot of people had found out yesterday that the results would be released today. Given the overwhelming anxiety level, I bet 99.99% of them stayed up till midnight/this morning to get their hands on the results. They eventually brought down the site and no one could check their results for a while. I can’t imagine how nerve-wrecking the wait would’ve been.

I, on the other hand, was completely oblivious of all this. I did not know the results would be released today. I did not know the results would be up by midnight. I did not know I was supposed to be up and refreshing the webpage 10 times per second. I had no idea. Like any other day, after work yesterday, I went home, took a nice shower, watched some more of Bong Dal Hee and had a full night of sleep. The bliss of ignorance. I experienced the saying first-hand this time. It’s indeed bliss and a blessing.

My score is high enough that I can get waived into DC without sitting for the exam again.

It’s been a busy day for me at work and a busy day emotionally. It’s a good day to rejoice, but not a good day to reflect. One day when I am calm enough, I will sit down and try to relive the past 5 years in my heart. There will be tears and smiles. There will be wounds and trophies. In the end, it’s 5 years of battling against the odds and realizing a dream that once seemed so far away.

Today is a milestone in my life. Tomorrow will begin a new journey.

Random Rambling

So a few days ago was my company’s administrative assistant appreciation day, meaning everyone should chip in so we can get our assistant something nice. I was the collector and I ended up getting very annoyed. First her direct boss only gave $10. He’s been here long enough to know the “custom” is $20 per person. He asked me whether it was enough. What could I say? No?! Who am I to tell you you are being a cheapo and are not appreciative of the works your assistant has done for you? And then this lady in my group (who thinks the world of herself) just couldn’t bother to contribute. &%^%$$#!!!

Had lunch with T and K last week. It’s always nice catching up with them. Obviously, they don’t even know the cause behind TS’ departure. Uhm…

Had our town hall with NS last week. Didn’t realize my name was the first one on her first slide. I ended up having to stand up and greet everyone. Oh my… After TS left, I can’t help but look at her differently. Even if she didn’t have anything to do with his departure, she didn’t extend a helping hand either. Talk about friends.

My package from TW got delayed and it freaked me out. Turned out, it was all Obama’s fault. They had to pretty much wall off Cooper Union for the day when he was in town, so the UPS guy couldn’t get to the store until past 8. I ended up fretting over it for the whole night. But luckily I got it the next day. I still love UPS. Always much better service than DHL.

And I think my big boss just loves to micro-manage. He questions everything we send out and even tells my boss to keep his office door open so “it looks better”…

Was watching Surgeon Bong Dal Hee for the entire weekend. Funny how I had seen bits and pieces of it for about 5 times already, and yet when I finally sat down to watch the whole show this time, it still made me cry! Aww... The first-lead couple is very cute but I am also moved by the second-lead couple. Their love is powerful and I can’t wait to see how he will try to win her back. Sigh…How I wish I took a different route and became a doctor. It’s a long road indeed, but in the end, respect is what you earn. Not like where I am right now…sigh.

 

Ewwwww!!!

I was in a meeting and this lady sitting next to me took off her shoes and started PICKING HER FEET!!!! I suspect she has athlete's foot; they got itchy so she had to start scracthing and picking between the toes in the middle of a very very professional and high-profile meeting!!

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!

Worries...

Growing up, I was always a carefree child. I never really worried much about the unknowns ahead because I always knew my parents and my family would be there to help me out when and if something goes wrong. Doing well in school, performing well on stage and playing hard were my only concerns.

For the past decade, however, my life has taken a sharp U-turn and thrown me into one twist after another. Somehow and somewhere, I have gradually learned to fret over the unknowns and hesitate before putting a foot forward. When things don’t go according to plan, I often catch myself trying to think out all the worst scenarios. I figured this way, I could at least be emotionally prepared when things go wrong. Right?

But this way of life has made me uneasy and unhappy. I am just not a pessimistic person to begin with. I am not used to negative thinking and I was born a glass-half-full person. Being a worrywart has taken a toll on my quality of life, and the negative energy affects the people around me.

So I’ve decided. From today on, I will try to worry less and live in the moment. There are things in life that are just beyond our control. If we constantly worry about the unknowns, that could translate into hundreds of sleepless nights which in turn could result in anger and depression. We will eventually end up hating ourselves and drive away those we truly care for us. Not good.

This is what I’ve been practicing. If something happens, I will give myself 30 minutes max to think it over and figure out a plan of action. From minute 31st on, I will try to block the worry from my thinking and move on with my routine. It’s easier said than done as it is human nature to worry about the unknowns. However, this is the only way I can keep a balance in my life.

And the only way to keep my stress level down so I don’t impose extra weight on my already fragile heart. Sigh.

How busy am I ?

You know you are busy when you must stop 5 times when eating a cup of instant noodles, and when you finally get to it, it's already all sticky and puffy.

You know you are very busy when your phone rings 3 times every five minutes, and you get 5 emails per minute.

You know you are dead busy when you are in the middle of doing a presentation for the most important meeting of the day and you feel like you are about to pee your pants.

That summarizes my day today.

My stomach...again!

Had too much Kimchi and Spaghetti yesterday and now my stomach is taking revenge. This is nasty, but I burped up something extremely acidic last night during sleep that just made me sick in and of itself. Ergh! 

I've always been a healthy eater since my stomach is uber-sensitive. Give me something that expired a day earlier and I can guarantee you will see me dashing for the bathroom in 10 minutes. But these days, I've been letting myself go. Dorito chips, Mountain Dew, Pocky, Potato Twisters, you name it. Maybe it's a spring thing. The weather has finally warmed up and it just makes you crave for things that you tried to stay away from.

But my stomach is still the boss. Now all those junk food is coming back to haunt me!

Do NOT use DHL!!! THE MOST DISHONEST SHIPPER OUT THERE!!!

I had a package coming from Taiwan and the vendor chose DHL as the carrier. As soon as I saw that, I got worried because DHL has a notorious reputation of losing packages. Read here if you care to find out more.

The vendor chose International Express meaning the package was supposed to be delivered on the next business day. The item was shipped on 4/7, which means delivery should be made on 4/8. I checked their tracking page and by 9:39am on 4/8, the page already said "with delivery carrier." That looked good. I waited. Waited. And waited. I got home around 6:30 and still no sign of my package. I called up DHL and asked them where was my package (because DHL deliveries for my buidling are usually made around 3pm) and the lady told me deliveries could be made up until 8pm. So I waited. Waited. And waited. 8pm came and still no sign of my package. I checked online tracking and it still said "With delivery courier." I called up DHL again and the lady asked me to hang up so she could talk to her manager. 8:30 came and the manager called back. A nice lady indeed. She said she just spoke to the driver, and it looked like the package was scheduled for delivery tomorrow. I had read enough about DHL's delays that I wasn't enough going to fight with her. I said fine. And she even asked, "Oh, Will you have someone at home to sign for the pacakge tomorrow?" I said my doorman will be there by 4. She said, "Fine, I will speak to the driver and make sure he delivers after 4."

Everything looked fine. Or so I thought.

Got into my office this morning and I just happened to refresh the DHL tracking page I had left open yesterday. And then I just had to scream. It says, "Delivered, 4/8 at 3pm." The funniest part was, it was supposedly signed by ME!!! HA! So since I was having so much fun with it, I decided to click on the "Check for proof of delivery" button which was supposed to give me a picture of "my" signature, and lo and behold, it said, "Error!!!"

So I called up DHL again and the lady said, "Well, according to our records, your item was delivered yesterday. " I said, "Well, unless I have the ability to be at two different places at the same time, I was definitely not home at 3pm yesteday, let alone signing for my package." Then she said, "Well, did you check with your neighbor?" That just blew me up. Checking with my neighbor??!!! It's MY package for God's sake, WERE YOU FREAKING SUPPOSED TO DELIVER IT TO MY NEIGHBOR IN THE FIRST PLACE AND HAVE THEM SIGN MY NAME???????!!!!!! WTF!!!!!

So now they are doing "some research" on my package, and for all I care, my pacakge is lost. And here is my guess at what happened. Basically, they lost my package. So when I called up last night to find out more about it, they freaked out and figured that someone ACTUALLY cares about the package. So to shirk responsibility, they changed my delivery status to "delivered," and since my name is listed as the recipient on their records, it was simple enough for them to put my name down as the signee for the package. Of course they can't produce a copy of my signature because I never freakng signed. But let's blame it on stupid computers. OMG, problem solved!!! How easy was that??!!

Just a word of wisdom to those who are even considering using DHL: THIS IS THE MOST IRRESPONSIBLE SHIPPER OUT THERE, AND I CAN FORESEE IT BEING PUT OUT OF BUSINESS VERY SOON. DO NOT USE IT OR YOU WILL MOST LIKELY HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE SAME CRAP I DID!!!!

Use UPS or FeDEX. They've never lost any of my packages and packages are always left discreetly. Especialy FedEX, very prompt and courteous.

I am definitely reporting DHL. Although I doubt it will do much harm to the irresponsible business, at least someone will have a record of it.

I was so right!

This is kinda creepy but oh my god, I was so right! What did I say yesterday about those two lacking connection?! I've always known my senses are extremely keen when it comes to physical attraction. HA! Told ya! Sometimes you've got to listen to the oddball.

Autumn Concerto/Next Stop, Happiness

I really had high hopes for this one. Given its high ratings, I expected to see an endearing love story that can truly touch the heart.

Turned out, it’s a real drag. At least so far.

If you’ve been a fan of Korean dramas, and have seen Save Your Last Dancer for Me, Full House, Wonderful Life and Winter Sonata, well, then this one will strike you as an odd hybrid of all these dramas. It’s like putting Shrek, Nemo, Garfield and Cinderella into one pot and then churn out a Shnegarella.


As for the two leads, credits must be given to them for making a great effort to be the character. We see convincing acting from both of them. However, the chemistry is just missing. The physical tension is just not there. At least for me. I've seem a good number of on-screen couples with sizzling chemistry that can completely sweep the audience off feet. Those couples can really make your stomach churn and your heart ach for them. This is just not such a couple. When they cried their hearts out for each other, the only emotion I had was annoyance that I had to resist the urge to pick up the remote and fast-forward the scene. However, I might be a stand-alone oddball because rumor has it that thousands of fans are so touched by their “connection” that they have voiced their great desire for the two leads to get together. In real life.

Blah.

Well, maybe the reason is the actress has never worked for me. And the “Mu-Chen” type of damsel-in-distress role just absolutely gets on my nerves. I must have tried to watch Choi Jiwoo in Winter Sonata 100 times and yet I still have not been able to get through episode 5 (I absolutely adored her as Lee Mari in Star's Lover though). Seriously, this is 2010 for God’s sake. If you get beaten, you kick back. Tears and keeping quiet so the antagonists can stab your back are just so 1990.

Vanness is fine except he really needs to work on his Chinese pronunciation. I think the supporting male and female leads did a great job here. I ended up liking them more than the main leads.

YET, the crown jewel of this drama is him:

This little guy managed to make me cry for almost every other scene he’s in. The tearjearker and the cutest boy EVER!

I am soooooooooo hungry!

Fasting is definitely not my thing. I can't live without breakfast!!! AND they are going to draw blood from me!!! AHH!!!!!!

XXX餓死我了啦﹗﹗﹗