Korean Drama: That Fool/Accidental Couple

I am up to episode 6 and it’s been P.A.I.N.F.U.L. OMG, Kim Ah-Joong, I swear there’s been hundreds of times when I just wanted to crawl into the TV screen and slap her to her senses. I was watching this scene of her accidentally running into the man whom she loves but can’t marry on her wedding day and then finding out he did something he had promised her not to do. You think she would at least show four layers of emotion – from surprise to happy to shock then sad? Well, she only managed two: happy and sad. THE END.

I’ve heard that her performance would pick up from episode 7 on but I doubt I will have the patience to sit through one more episode of agony. Having just finished City Hall where Kim Sun-Ah was simply at her best and matched Cha Seong-won’s acting in full stride, watching Kim Ah-Joong now just kills me. Especially they just had to put her alongside Hwang Jung-min, who is incredibly brilliant and absolutely gifted at acting. She is so far the weakest link in the drama (yes, even the second leads are way better at the game) and I honestly don’t know how she managed to grab the Best Actress Award at Grand Bell.

She is a beautiful lady. A great star perhaps, but fails horribly at the acting game.

Dead corners

My boss has pneumonia. His doctor asked him to stay home and in bed until Tuesday next week. Yet as soon as he got out of the hospital, he’s on the phone calling into meetings and typing away at his computer. He’s very sick and yet he insists on coming to work tomorrow. Why? Because he cares so much about perception and is “terrified of losing his job.”

This is exactly what is so sad about this industry and the people who work in it. Most of the guys I work with are the sole bread-earners in their households. They have big houses and fancy cars. They live a good life but they are keenly aware of the possibility of losing the job and then losing it all one day. This puts them on the verge of a nervous breakdown every minute, and they end up driving themselves into corners and eventually, horrible diseases.

Oh and I’ve felt this since the very beginning but he confirmed my thoughts today. When asked why he is still working his ass off when he’s awfully sick, he said, “Because I don’t want to be replaced.” No wonder you don’t teach me anything. Ah, the fun of working for someone who lives in the fear of losing his job to you every minute. Don't worry, really, I am more for finding a rich hubby then clinging onto this job.

To those who didn't pass...

The NYSBLE posted the public list and I realized one of my friends did not pass, and two others either didn’t pass or didn’t even bother to take it again. They must be feeling awful at this moment. It’s one thing you get informed you didn’t pass, it’s completely another when the whole world finds out about it. I really want to give these friends a hug. I know all they want to do at this moment is dig a hole in the earth and disappear until the heat dissipates and the glaring eyes stop glaring. I just hope they know that while this may feel embarrassing, it really is not. Or at least, shouldn’t be. Yes, you stumbled this time and fell on your face. So what? It’s just an exam and for you, things just didn’t work out this time. You can shed buckets of tears and let it out on people around you. You can kick and scream and blame it on the stars or your family. It’s frustrating; it’s maddening; it’s freaking awful. Yet in the end, it’s not the end of world. Eventually, you will have cried enough, screamed enough and gotten tired of blaming it on others. Eventually, you will pick yourself up and try to take a good look at yourself in the mirror. Eventually, you will realize the nosy people have moved on to dig their nose in something else and for you, while the wound is still visible, it has begun to heal. At that time, you will have gotten back enough of your courage, enough of your determination that although your steps are still a little shaky, you will feel the urge to crawl out the blackhole you once dug and take a look outside. When that time comes, you will know you’ve survived the ordeal and it’s time to get back into action again.

Also, remember that plenty of successful people didn’t pass it the first time around. Hilary Clinton for one. Rumor has it Michelle Obama didn’t either. Perhaps one day you will become successful and famous too. When that day comes, you will most likely look back and thank this experience for making you a stronger and more humble person.  

I passed!!!

To those who care: YES, I PASSED!!!

I kinda felt the results would be released this week, but I honestly didn’t expect it so early. I thought it would be more like Thursday or Friday. I’ve gotten into a habit of checking my emails on my phone every morning I get into the office. This morning when I turned on the phone, OMG, THERE WAS THE EMAIL!!! My head just went blank for a second. I had absolutely no thoughts going through my mind until I opened up the email and saw “Congratulations!!!” I swear my body just fell completely limp at that very moment.

Just so I could make sure it’s real, I forwarded the email to my company email address just to take a clearer look. There, it became a reality. The certification of passing is attached and it has my name on it. I swear I would’ve broken down in tears if I weren’t at my office. This was the light at the end of the tunnel I had been waiting for for so long. Fives years of excruciating journey and now, I can finally rest at ease.

I went back to look at the email (I swear I’ve scrutinized every part of the email, including the margins) and I realized the email was sent at 12:20am this morning. Then I went online and checked the forums. Obviously, a lot of people had found out yesterday that the results would be released today. Given the overwhelming anxiety level, I bet 99.99% of them stayed up till midnight/this morning to get their hands on the results. They eventually brought down the site and no one could check their results for a while. I can’t imagine how nerve-wrecking the wait would’ve been.

I, on the other hand, was completely oblivious of all this. I did not know the results would be released today. I did not know the results would be up by midnight. I did not know I was supposed to be up and refreshing the webpage 10 times per second. I had no idea. Like any other day, after work yesterday, I went home, took a nice shower, watched some more of Bong Dal Hee and had a full night of sleep. The bliss of ignorance. I experienced the saying first-hand this time. It’s indeed bliss and a blessing.

My score is high enough that I can get waived into DC without sitting for the exam again.

It’s been a busy day for me at work and a busy day emotionally. It’s a good day to rejoice, but not a good day to reflect. One day when I am calm enough, I will sit down and try to relive the past 5 years in my heart. There will be tears and smiles. There will be wounds and trophies. In the end, it’s 5 years of battling against the odds and realizing a dream that once seemed so far away.

Today is a milestone in my life. Tomorrow will begin a new journey.

Random Rambling

So a few days ago was my company’s administrative assistant appreciation day, meaning everyone should chip in so we can get our assistant something nice. I was the collector and I ended up getting very annoyed. First her direct boss only gave $10. He’s been here long enough to know the “custom” is $20 per person. He asked me whether it was enough. What could I say? No?! Who am I to tell you you are being a cheapo and are not appreciative of the works your assistant has done for you? And then this lady in my group (who thinks the world of herself) just couldn’t bother to contribute. &%^%$$#!!!

Had lunch with T and K last week. It’s always nice catching up with them. Obviously, they don’t even know the cause behind TS’ departure. Uhm…

Had our town hall with NS last week. Didn’t realize my name was the first one on her first slide. I ended up having to stand up and greet everyone. Oh my… After TS left, I can’t help but look at her differently. Even if she didn’t have anything to do with his departure, she didn’t extend a helping hand either. Talk about friends.

My package from TW got delayed and it freaked me out. Turned out, it was all Obama’s fault. They had to pretty much wall off Cooper Union for the day when he was in town, so the UPS guy couldn’t get to the store until past 8. I ended up fretting over it for the whole night. But luckily I got it the next day. I still love UPS. Always much better service than DHL.

And I think my big boss just loves to micro-manage. He questions everything we send out and even tells my boss to keep his office door open so “it looks better”…

Was watching Surgeon Bong Dal Hee for the entire weekend. Funny how I had seen bits and pieces of it for about 5 times already, and yet when I finally sat down to watch the whole show this time, it still made me cry! Aww... The first-lead couple is very cute but I am also moved by the second-lead couple. Their love is powerful and I can’t wait to see how he will try to win her back. Sigh…How I wish I took a different route and became a doctor. It’s a long road indeed, but in the end, respect is what you earn. Not like where I am right now…sigh.

 

Ewwwww!!!

I was in a meeting and this lady sitting next to me took off her shoes and started PICKING HER FEET!!!! I suspect she has athlete's foot; they got itchy so she had to start scracthing and picking between the toes in the middle of a very very professional and high-profile meeting!!

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!

Worries...

Growing up, I was always a carefree child. I never really worried much about the unknowns ahead because I always knew my parents and my family would be there to help me out when and if something goes wrong. Doing well in school, performing well on stage and playing hard were my only concerns.

For the past decade, however, my life has taken a sharp U-turn and thrown me into one twist after another. Somehow and somewhere, I have gradually learned to fret over the unknowns and hesitate before putting a foot forward. When things don’t go according to plan, I often catch myself trying to think out all the worst scenarios. I figured this way, I could at least be emotionally prepared when things go wrong. Right?

But this way of life has made me uneasy and unhappy. I am just not a pessimistic person to begin with. I am not used to negative thinking and I was born a glass-half-full person. Being a worrywart has taken a toll on my quality of life, and the negative energy affects the people around me.

So I’ve decided. From today on, I will try to worry less and live in the moment. There are things in life that are just beyond our control. If we constantly worry about the unknowns, that could translate into hundreds of sleepless nights which in turn could result in anger and depression. We will eventually end up hating ourselves and drive away those we truly care for us. Not good.

This is what I’ve been practicing. If something happens, I will give myself 30 minutes max to think it over and figure out a plan of action. From minute 31st on, I will try to block the worry from my thinking and move on with my routine. It’s easier said than done as it is human nature to worry about the unknowns. However, this is the only way I can keep a balance in my life.

And the only way to keep my stress level down so I don’t impose extra weight on my already fragile heart. Sigh.

How busy am I ?

You know you are busy when you must stop 5 times when eating a cup of instant noodles, and when you finally get to it, it's already all sticky and puffy.

You know you are very busy when your phone rings 3 times every five minutes, and you get 5 emails per minute.

You know you are dead busy when you are in the middle of doing a presentation for the most important meeting of the day and you feel like you are about to pee your pants.

That summarizes my day today.

My stomach...again!

Had too much Kimchi and Spaghetti yesterday and now my stomach is taking revenge. This is nasty, but I burped up something extremely acidic last night during sleep that just made me sick in and of itself. Ergh! 

I've always been a healthy eater since my stomach is uber-sensitive. Give me something that expired a day earlier and I can guarantee you will see me dashing for the bathroom in 10 minutes. But these days, I've been letting myself go. Dorito chips, Mountain Dew, Pocky, Potato Twisters, you name it. Maybe it's a spring thing. The weather has finally warmed up and it just makes you crave for things that you tried to stay away from.

But my stomach is still the boss. Now all those junk food is coming back to haunt me!

Do NOT use DHL!!! THE MOST DISHONEST SHIPPER OUT THERE!!!

I had a package coming from Taiwan and the vendor chose DHL as the carrier. As soon as I saw that, I got worried because DHL has a notorious reputation of losing packages. Read here if you care to find out more.

The vendor chose International Express meaning the package was supposed to be delivered on the next business day. The item was shipped on 4/7, which means delivery should be made on 4/8. I checked their tracking page and by 9:39am on 4/8, the page already said "with delivery carrier." That looked good. I waited. Waited. And waited. I got home around 6:30 and still no sign of my package. I called up DHL and asked them where was my package (because DHL deliveries for my buidling are usually made around 3pm) and the lady told me deliveries could be made up until 8pm. So I waited. Waited. And waited. 8pm came and still no sign of my package. I checked online tracking and it still said "With delivery courier." I called up DHL again and the lady asked me to hang up so she could talk to her manager. 8:30 came and the manager called back. A nice lady indeed. She said she just spoke to the driver, and it looked like the package was scheduled for delivery tomorrow. I had read enough about DHL's delays that I wasn't enough going to fight with her. I said fine. And she even asked, "Oh, Will you have someone at home to sign for the pacakge tomorrow?" I said my doorman will be there by 4. She said, "Fine, I will speak to the driver and make sure he delivers after 4."

Everything looked fine. Or so I thought.

Got into my office this morning and I just happened to refresh the DHL tracking page I had left open yesterday. And then I just had to scream. It says, "Delivered, 4/8 at 3pm." The funniest part was, it was supposedly signed by ME!!! HA! So since I was having so much fun with it, I decided to click on the "Check for proof of delivery" button which was supposed to give me a picture of "my" signature, and lo and behold, it said, "Error!!!"

So I called up DHL again and the lady said, "Well, according to our records, your item was delivered yesterday. " I said, "Well, unless I have the ability to be at two different places at the same time, I was definitely not home at 3pm yesteday, let alone signing for my package." Then she said, "Well, did you check with your neighbor?" That just blew me up. Checking with my neighbor??!!! It's MY package for God's sake, WERE YOU FREAKING SUPPOSED TO DELIVER IT TO MY NEIGHBOR IN THE FIRST PLACE AND HAVE THEM SIGN MY NAME???????!!!!!! WTF!!!!!

So now they are doing "some research" on my package, and for all I care, my pacakge is lost. And here is my guess at what happened. Basically, they lost my package. So when I called up last night to find out more about it, they freaked out and figured that someone ACTUALLY cares about the package. So to shirk responsibility, they changed my delivery status to "delivered," and since my name is listed as the recipient on their records, it was simple enough for them to put my name down as the signee for the package. Of course they can't produce a copy of my signature because I never freakng signed. But let's blame it on stupid computers. OMG, problem solved!!! How easy was that??!!

Just a word of wisdom to those who are even considering using DHL: THIS IS THE MOST IRRESPONSIBLE SHIPPER OUT THERE, AND I CAN FORESEE IT BEING PUT OUT OF BUSINESS VERY SOON. DO NOT USE IT OR YOU WILL MOST LIKELY HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE SAME CRAP I DID!!!!

Use UPS or FeDEX. They've never lost any of my packages and packages are always left discreetly. Especialy FedEX, very prompt and courteous.

I am definitely reporting DHL. Although I doubt it will do much harm to the irresponsible business, at least someone will have a record of it.

I was so right!

This is kinda creepy but oh my god, I was so right! What did I say yesterday about those two lacking connection?! I've always known my senses are extremely keen when it comes to physical attraction. HA! Told ya! Sometimes you've got to listen to the oddball.

Autumn Concerto/Next Stop, Happiness

I really had high hopes for this one. Given its high ratings, I expected to see an endearing love story that can truly touch the heart.

Turned out, it’s a real drag. At least so far.

If you’ve been a fan of Korean dramas, and have seen Save Your Last Dancer for Me, Full House, Wonderful Life and Winter Sonata, well, then this one will strike you as an odd hybrid of all these dramas. It’s like putting Shrek, Nemo, Garfield and Cinderella into one pot and then churn out a Shnegarella.


As for the two leads, credits must be given to them for making a great effort to be the character. We see convincing acting from both of them. However, the chemistry is just missing. The physical tension is just not there. At least for me. I've seem a good number of on-screen couples with sizzling chemistry that can completely sweep the audience off feet. Those couples can really make your stomach churn and your heart ach for them. This is just not such a couple. When they cried their hearts out for each other, the only emotion I had was annoyance that I had to resist the urge to pick up the remote and fast-forward the scene. However, I might be a stand-alone oddball because rumor has it that thousands of fans are so touched by their “connection” that they have voiced their great desire for the two leads to get together. In real life.

Blah.

Well, maybe the reason is the actress has never worked for me. And the “Mu-Chen” type of damsel-in-distress role just absolutely gets on my nerves. I must have tried to watch Choi Jiwoo in Winter Sonata 100 times and yet I still have not been able to get through episode 5 (I absolutely adored her as Lee Mari in Star's Lover though). Seriously, this is 2010 for God’s sake. If you get beaten, you kick back. Tears and keeping quiet so the antagonists can stab your back are just so 1990.

Vanness is fine except he really needs to work on his Chinese pronunciation. I think the supporting male and female leads did a great job here. I ended up liking them more than the main leads.

YET, the crown jewel of this drama is him:

This little guy managed to make me cry for almost every other scene he’s in. The tearjearker and the cutest boy EVER!

I am soooooooooo hungry!

Fasting is definitely not my thing. I can't live without breakfast!!! AND they are going to draw blood from me!!! AHH!!!!!!

XXX餓死我了啦﹗﹗﹗

Busy Busy...

As both of my bosses are on vacation this week, work has become even more hectic and that's why I haven't found the time to blog think straight. It's always one thing after another at work, and I haven't even been able to go out to lunch much because I am seriously afraid that something oh-my-god-important might happen during that time. Ergh.

So people have asked me what I think about the Ronald-Charlene divorce-and-oh-by-the-way-we-got-married-4-years-ago fiasco. My response has been looking at the person blankly in his/her eyes followed by "Why is that any of my business?" First of all, I have never been a believer in anything the paparazzi churn out (although after this incident, I might need to give my practice a second thought). Secondly, I myself have been extremely divorced from the HK entertainment circle that I haven't watched any crap that TVB still doesn't feel ashamed to produce these days. So yeah, you can tell me Charmaine got married with Eric Tsang 10 years ago and they now have 4 toddlers tagging behind, and I will believe you. Lastly, as to Ronald and Charlene, well, like what I always say, you can't always have the best of both worlds. With fame comes loss of privacy. As much as marriage is a private matter, if, as a celebrity, you can't stand the thought of the public finding out about your marriage, then you obviously value your fame and celebrity status more than marriage. Then why bother? Marriage is a happy thing, and it's about the coming together of two individuals and their families. If you must hide the bliss of marriage to preserve your career and life, then you obviously don't have enough respect for the institution. I would advise that marriage is not ripe for you.

That's why I highly respect Matsushima Nanako. She is probably more successful and famous than Ronald and Charlene combined. And yet when she decided to get married, she made it known and she has never tried to hide her marriage life from the public. And look at her now. Not only is she respected as a successful actress, she is also loved by the public for her role as a wife and a loving mother.

Ignorant idiots...

Someone in my office just made a really racist comment about the World Expo that is going to be held in Shanghai. Ignorance is scary. The guy had always looked decent to me until today. And now I want to kick him in the shins.

Time to train the traders in something other than becoming money-sucking ignorant robots. This is exactly what I don't like about this place. IGNORANCE.

The vibe I am sending around...

Was talking to my colleague about getting an MBA, and she said, "You aren't even serious about this [my current job]. Why bother?"

I guess the vibe is going around.

I am not saying I want to leave right at this moment. However, I will be extremely disappointed in myself if 5 years down the road, I am still doing the same crap. 

This industry lacks heart and the human factor. The money is good if you are willing to live like a soulless money-sucking zombie. My manager and I once worked on a case involving an 80-year-old woman suffering from leukemia who got all of her money robbed by her son. She tried to get her money back so she could get proper treatment, but because we "must abide by the law," she got zilch from us. And instead of showing some sympathy, my manager made fun of her having leukemia. I was horrified.

This is the kind of people I am surrounded by 10 hours a day, and I am trying hard not to let their "industry-savvy (meaning 'I don't give a **** about anyone else but me' " side get to me. No wonder I am finding it harder and harder to write anything good these days. Given that I don't get to interact with loving and caring human beings at all, how am I supposed to write up anything that can touch people's heart?

The Goodbye...

I think I know why I was shadowed by such bad luck yesterday. Just to complete the list, on my way to the farewell party, my shoe's 3-inch heel got caught in one of those subway grates, and if it wasn't for my colleague who immediately grabbed me, I would've fallen flat on the ground, face down.


So the party went well. I was extra hyper for reasons I myself cannot identify. It was very nice to see the old gang. And it was even nicer that the people I didn't wish to see didn't show up. Everyone was family and it was back to the old times again. The jokes Eric cracked were still good. He just can't seem to get over the fact that I gave him the "thanks for the laughter" line last year. Hehe...


We drank, chatted, walked around and met old and new friends. Joe has gotten bigger. In fact, the first thing I said to him was "OMG Joe, why are you so big??!! What have you been eating??!!" He jokingly took offense to that and walked around all night telling people about it. Haha...Aww Joe, you know I love you! :D


Then we did a little gift presentation ceremony and the fun Roman did an impromptu rap dance which was super-duper awesome. People gave their thank-you speeches, and well, I wasn't one of them because I knew I wouldn't be able to do it without shedding buckets of tears. Then Tom said, "For the past 3 months, I feel like I've died." We all gasped, but he continued, "No, not what you all are thinking. It's just that the things you all have said and written to me are so touching that they almost sound like a eulogy. It usually takes a dead body and a coffin for one to hear these things. I've still got many years to live and yet I've already been showered with such nice words. For that, I am grateful to you all and thank you!"


Then the moment came. The goodbye. I saw Terry walk away with flooding tears and that was my last straw. It was my turn next and the moment I hugged him, my voice started to tremble and my tears just broke right through the gates. I could barely string my words together, especially when I saw his teary eyes. I made him promise me that he will come visit my hometown, he will keep in touch, and that he will not forget me. Then he said "I know you are trying to find a rich husband. Go for it!" And I broke into a laugh with tears still dripping down. Oh boy. Now EVERYBODY knows about my scheme. I didn't say goodbye because I had told him earlier that he would not hear a goodbye from me. This will not be the last time we see each other, and I want him to remember that. After one last hug, I walked away...


The story hasn't ended. I walked out the W Hotel teary-eyed and then I got lost in the Grand Central area. I just couldn't find the entrance to the subway. No, I am not kidding. No, I am serious, I AM NOT KIDDING. Someone must've cast a spell on me.


So everything makes sense now. I could only have been unlucky yesterday.


Because my lucky star made his departure yesterday...

What a messy DAY...

So today is the first day of my boss's vacation. What it means is the burden will be on me for the next 10+ days to get in in time and send out this very important list to 300+ people before the market opens at 9.

I got up extra early today because the last thing I wanted was being late for my "big day." Got to the train station extra early and hopped onto the 7. Before the train could even move out of the station, I heard, "Due to a stalled train, there will be no service from QBP to TS." Sh*t, I thought. It just had to happen today. Then I figured, well, it looks like the train will still run express from here to QPB. If it could get me there fine, then it shouldn't be a huge problem because I can always transfer at that stop. Or so I thought. The train finally moved out the station and we got to out first stop fine. Then came the announcement "This train will run local." Then we waited. We waited. Waited. ANNNND WAITED. The train just sat there and we were entertained by the constant broadcast of "A train ahead was pulled to an emergency stop and we are currently experiencing EXCESSIVE delays on the 7 line."  I swear if I had a choice to jump off the train at that moment I would've done so. I started to freak out and I knew at that moment that there is no way I can get to the office by 9. I felt awful because the alternate sender will be my boss's boss. He, my boss's boss, even had a talk with me yesterday just to make sure I am all equipped to send out the list and that he won't have to worry. Given the situation I was in, I had no choice but to email him and let him know that I made a false promise. I am fairly new to this job so every impression counts. This is definitely not a good one.

Just so that everything had to go wrong this morning, after I pressed the "send" button on my phone, I realized I was logged into a different email account and I specifically configured that account to not dispaly my name. Since I've never sent out emails from this personal account to my boss' boss, chances are he wouldn't recognize my email. At that moment, I just wish I could get on knees and pray.

I have very very very bad memories associated with a particular stop on the 7 line. Despite it's a great transfer stop, I usually refuse to get off at the stop even when experiencing delays. But this morning, I had no choice. I jumped off at that stop and ran for the next train I could get on.

I got to my seat at 9 and were able to send out the list at 9:02. That was after the market opened and the traders began trading. NOT GOOD. 

And tonight, there is a farewell party that I absolutely dread attending but I have no choice but to go. I still wanted to chicken out this morning, but then the person's email came in (and he hasn't emailed me in the longest time) and I now have nowhere to run.

Whoever wants my life can have it.

UPDATE:
      So I guess my unluckiness continues. We just authorized an employee to do a trade that he's not allowed to do...Although I wasn't the person who authorized it, I was the one who the person initially called. I am too tired to even fight this...

Dread it!

You know how you dread something, and you dread it, you dread it, and you dread it...You know it's something that you just absolutlely have to do and yet the only thing you truly want to do is run away from it?

Yeah, that pretty much summarizes how I feel at the moment. I will elaborate more on my Chinese blog.

My emotions have been in a turmoil and I really haven't been able to either calm myself down or sort myself out. I've pretty much just been running around day and night with very little time left for myself. I haven't been able to do much thinking, reading, writing or self-introspection. This is not what I am used to and I don't think I can last very long in this mode. I need to somehow set aside some time for myself just to reflect on the past few months (or years!) and decide where to go from here. Getting here has been a long journey, but now that I am here, it's perhaps time to start the planning again.

My mom was originally scheduled to attend a wedding this weekend. When she asked whether I'd like to join her a couple of months ago, well, given the mess I was in, you can easily guess my answer - no. But now that my schedule has sorta freed up, I gave it a second thought and decided I would like to go. Although I don't know the couple personally, it will be fun to see them walk down the aisle and finally tie the knot. I just need to witness some happiness, whether it's mine or that of others...Well, we will see how that goes.

I've been reading the book "Notes Left Behind," and it's getting harder and harder to get through. Not because it's poorly written, of course, but because it's just hard to read through a parent's account of his first-hand experience of losing a 6-year-old beautiful child to tumor...Will update more on this when I am done reading.

Well, my inbox has been flooded in the last 10 minutes it took me to type this message. I swear I get at least 20 emails a minute. Ergh...oh well, this is my job and my life. So Ciao for now.

This is a scary place...

So I got in this morning and began my usual routine of updating things. I was doing my usual mapping and came down the list to this guy who I just couldn't find his name in the company directory. Well, he must've performed a trade in the last 24 hours for his name to get to me, so he must still be here, right? So I called my boss to find out why, and he, in a hush-hush-oh-my-god-this-is-the-biggest-secret-of-the-day voice, told me, "Well, that's coz we are phasing him out."

I wonder if this guy has tried to look up his own name in the directory in the past 24 hours, and upon not finding it, would he get an inkling that the worst has already happened to him though everyone around him is still playing ignorant?

This is a freaking inhumane place. Does the management realize that not only they have family but we ALL do?! Sure, one whom the management is determined to fire has no standing to challenge the decision, but can it at least have the courtesy to inform the person a couple of days in advance so the victim can at least plan for the transition out??!! By, for example, not promising the kids a summer Disney vacation only to have to disappoint them soon enough?!

WTF.

I am sick...AGAIN!

Funny how when I was under an overwhelming amount of stress, the worst my body got was having swollen gums. Within the three-week period since the stress ended, I've already gotten a cold TWICE. This morning when I woke up, I realized my throat had gone swollen AGAIN, and now I can hardly swallow.

What a nice way to start a weekend. 

Friday!

I am so glad it's Friday. It's been a long week, and it's tough being around an ungrateful control freak-idiot hybrid all the time. Seriously, whatever you say and whatever you think of me are irrelevant to my life. As soon as I can, I will bid you farewell and I will try my very best to avoid seeing your face ever again for the rest of my life. Be done with you is my short-term goal. And if I ever succeed in something else, you will be the first one I thank because if it wasn't for you, I would not have hated this half as much and decided to move on to something else. This is how much you've "inspired" my life, and I do hope one day, I will be able to look back and say a sincere "thank you" to you.

On a happier note, this is probably what I will be spending my time on this weekend. Looking forward to it.

Happy Belated Birthday Andrew!

Happly Belated Birthday Andrew! Like I said, I have no excuse for being late, so to make it up, I decided to post a picture of you in undies.

What? You don't recgonzie yourself? You....sure? ^_^ Okay, fine, we need to talk.

Enjoy! Big boy!

The unsaid goodbye...

A friend of mine at work returned from vacation on Monday. Around noon time, he came around to my cube and the following conversation ensued.

Him: "Guess what? I got fired."
Me: "Yeah right...whatever."
Him: "No, I am serious. I am not coming back."
Me: "Yeah whatever, just go out and have your lunch. I will see you back here in one hour."
Him: "You don't believe me?"
Me: "No, I don't"
Him: "Fine, you just wait and see."

I was swamped so I just went about my own business. Lunch time came and went, and then I got up for my 3 o'clock tea break and I realized he wasn't there. I thought to myself, "Well, I guess the vacation did wear him out so he needed a half day to just go home and rest up." The day ended uneventfully and I hardly thought about him again.

I walked in the next morning and didn't see him at his desk. "Well," I thought, "He's late." Then my phone rang and another messy work day unfolded. I barely got to look up until noon time, and it was then that I realized his teammates had turned on his computer and were doing something on it. Well, if you are familiar with how things operate in large corporations, you would know that one's computer is like one's home. Fiddling with another's computer without permission can get you fired in and by itself. So that got me suspicious, so I started talking to my teammates about it and they agreed something must be going on. Later that day, a member of his team came and I asked, "Hey, what happened to M?" And he said, with a little pause, "Well, he got fired."

I was so shocked and I must've remained silent for at least 5 minutes. I mean, here he is, having just returned from his long-awaited vacation and can't stop boasting about the great game he got to catch. The next minute he finds himself staring at a termination letter that must've looked as strange as a smiling clown holding a rifle in hands. Strange and perhaps funny, but extremely lethal.

Since I didn't believe him when he broke the news to me, I of course didn't get to bid him goodbye. In fact, I don't even recall seeing him walk out. I was later told by my teammates that they usually ask the person to leave right away, and someone else will pack his/her personal belongings and send them to him later.

I think I am too innocent for this place. When I first started, I used to despise those who tried to grab as much money as they can as fast as they can. I called them gold-diggers and money-thirst freaks. But now, I think I am starting to see why they act the way they do. Everyone has family, and a lot of the guys here are the sole bread-earners in their families. One job lost means no meal on the table for an entire family. The impact is beyond my imagination.

I am saddened and yet at the same time, I think this serves as a wakening call for me. It's time to think about the future and devise a good plan.

Goodbye M, and best of luck.

Walking away from life...

Sometimes, I just want to walk away from life...Not ending it, of course, but just...take a break from it.

I don't understand why life absolutely loves to throw me into one mess after another, and it acts as if it's certain that I will be able to withstand them all. Well, the truth is, I am still fragile despite the calluses that have sprouted on my heart. I still want to be protected. I still want to be treasured as if I were young. In times of trouble, I still want someone to hold my hand and say, "It's okay, I've got you."

But life doesn't happen that away, of course. And I am frustrated.

Completely off-topic.I just realized my beloved Matsushima Nanako is sporting eyebags already! I happened to catch an episode of the 4th season of the JDrama "Emergency Room 24 Hours," and I was literally stonified when I saw those eyes. She's still lovely, in a more mature and sophisticated way. But I think i just never expected her to grow old, even after giving birth to two daughters! Sigh...I still love her and her acting, but that was a harsh reminder that life just doesn't loosen its grip on anyone...

Here is a very beautiful pic of her in her prime days...

Hate this!

I am tired of being around irresponsible people. Why should it take you a week to finish something that can be done in 5 minutes? What do you do at work exactly? NOTHING??!!

And why must people throw their projects at ME?! If you can't find the time to do it, what makes you think I have open slots in MY schedule?! Do you see how swamped I am???!!!! Why are you all so freaking lazy and want to get paid without doing any work?! Why?! Why?! Why?!!!!

I hate this.